There are certain social norms or dating principal commonly accepted by most. Then there are dating expectations and awkward moments when those expectations aren’t met! Should you bust out your wallet when it’s time to pay the bill on a date night or is it more appropriate to ask to split the bill?
What if you just had an amazing date and connected with him on a sensual and emotional level and you went back to his place, should you really not sleep with him on the first date even if you think that he may be the one? What if he hasn’t called you back since that date night but you had an amazing time and are waiting for the phone to ring, is it wrong for you to reach out first?
From him picking up the tab, to you not calling first, and not sleeping with him on the first date, we will review three of the most widely accepted “dating rules”, question their validity and ultimately give your our review and advice.
Dating etiquette assumption #1: Should the man pick up the tab on the first date?
Men usually ask women out on a date and they are expected to pay for dinner and drinks that night. This was most definitely true for our grandparents’ generation and even to certain extent to our parents’ generation, but does it still apply to us today?
In this day and age where women work and earn their keep equally as men and where they sometimes even make more money than the man taking them out on a date; is it even right to let him pay for it all when you are both enjoying each other’s company? Especially if you have the means to contribute to the financial burden that comes with the fun?
Let’s face it, most men are machos who like to flex their muscles and provide and cater to their women. More often than not, if a man invites you out on a date it is implicitly understood that he will pick up the check for the food, drinks and activities that will take place that day or evening. We will go even further to say that most men truly enjoy the act of paying for their date, as it makes them feel empowered and builds their confidence moving forward.
However, what if the woman invited the guy out on a date, or simply pushed for the two to go out that one night, does dating etiquette still apply? We hold the belief that a woman should offer to pick up the tab in such circumstances because they are the ones who took it upon themselves to make this date night happen.
There is absolutely no shame in having a woman pay for a man’s dinner from time to time. However, we strongly advise women who find themselves in such a situation to only offer and not be pushy in order to not bruise your date’s ego.
If he is OK with letting you pay, than great, but if he insists on paying the bill or even splitting it with you, don’t resist and let him have it is way. Instead focus your energy on the actual date itself; the financial implications that come with it should not ultimately dictate how the potential love story will or should unfold.
If you happen to go on multiple dates or even start a relationship be careful not to put yourself in a situation where you are picking up the tab every time. A man who lets a woman pay on every single date or on too many consecutive ones’ should trigger a big red flag. If you happen to be in such a situation, you should re-asses what is intentions truly may be!
Dating etiquette assumption #2: Following a date the woman should not call or reach out first!
Many women tell their friends to wait for a guy to text them or reach out after a date. The assumption here is that it is the man’s role to court a woman and that it would somehow show weakness or even perhaps push the guy away if a woman was to call or text first after a romantic evening out. It is our firm belief that this sort of thinking is outdated. Perhaps back in the day it was a “woman’s place” to wait to be courted but we do not believe this to be the case anymore.
If you had an amazing date with a man, you have every right to pick up your phone and reach out to let him know that you had a great time and would like to see him again. We would go even further to say that it is proper manners to reach out in the days following a date to thank him for the romantic evening.
Furthermore if you do not hear from him in the weeks or even days after, you should feel confident enough to reach out again to in turn offer him to go on some sort of casual outing or date. Of course you shouldn’t be too pushy either but there is absolutely nothing wrong with being assertive about what you want and letting him follow your lead!
Dating etiquette assumption #3: Don’t sleep with a guy on the first date!
The underlying thought here is that if you sleep with a man on the first date it will somehow ruin your chance of establishing a long term relationship with that guy. We will dismiss right away the notion of self-respect and not sleeping with a man on the first date to maintain your integrity.
It takes two to tango and if you are looking for a one night stand and are comfortable with just that, you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel a certain way because of it. Tons of people, men and women alike are not looking for a commitment for whatever reason and we believe that a one night stand can be harmless and even beneficial in providing a positive boost for certain individuals when done the right way; meaning both parties understand what they are going into, no feelings are hurt and when adequate protection is used!
Now going back to the assumptions that sleeping with a man is detrimental to your long term chances of turning the “fling” into a long term committed relationship; Yes! We absolutely and unequivocally recommend that you NOT sleep with him on the first night.
Even more so if the goal is to get into a long term committed relationship, you should wait as long as possible before crossing that bridge. It doesn’t matter how much you may be into him, or how nice of a guy he may be! The reality is that delaying the pleasure and connection that comes with sexual intercourse will only serve you well and increase the chances that he falls even more and more in love with you.
The sense of anticipation, excitement or even thrill that comes with the “the chase” of seducing you to a point where you cave in and have intercourse is the fuel that will spark the fire that is your relationship; it will set the foundation for all that follows. So yes, if you want him to stick around for a while, you shouldn’t “give it up” on the first night. If he doesn’t come back, then find peace in knowing that he was never going to commit to you based on the behavior displayed. So in essence you will have saved yourself tons of complications and a bruised heart!
Your coach to go over preconceived notions regarding dating etiquette,