Are you wondering, “How can I get them back if I work with my ex?” How can you implement a successful radio silence when you see each other every single day at work? How can you get your ex back when you work for the same company, or if even worse, if your ex is your boss? In this article you’ll find everything you need to know on the subject, and you’ll learn what you need to do in order to reach your goal!
Yesterday morning I received an email from a woman who asked me, “Alex how can I get back with my ex if we work together? What’s the best way to achieve my goal if I can’t do the no contact rule?” I wanted to write an article on the topic to ensure that many of you succeed in getting back with your ex even if your professional life forces you to see them on a daily basis.
Since 2007 I have helped over ten thousand people, which means that I’ve seen every possible scenario when it comes to people looking to salvage their relationships. If you’d like to work with me on a one to one basis, I offer private coaching sessions by phone, skype or in personWhen you’re in a “unique” situation, like when you work with your ex, it’s easy to feel lost and unable to carry out the proper actions because you’re afraid that one false move will put an end to all your hopes.
However, my advice remains more or less the same; you will just have to adapt it to your current situation. By repeating, “I work with my ex, I don’t know what you do,” you will hold yourself back from taking action and control of the situation.
In this article, I will provide you with advice and techniques that you will be able to adjust to your needs. I also invite you to leave me comments below and I will be more than happy to respond to you!
Is it possible to create a sense of distance when you work with your ex?
The majority of people that contact me in this situation say that the hardest thing to do is implementing a radio silence when they work with their ex. I understand that this technique isn’t easy under these circumstances. After breaking up with someone you work with You will have to adapt your approach based on various techniques to get back your ex.
If Radio Silence isn’t really an option because you have no choice but to communicate with your ex for professional reasons, you can simply create a sense of distance between you that doesn’t necessarily involve complete silence.
When you’re working with your ex girlfriend or boyfriend, you can just communicate what is essential in a professional manner. This means that even if they try to be funny, don’t give in. You must remain polite, but cold.
You have to conduct yourself in a simple manner, without flashing enormous smiles to your ex, and without showing them that you want to chat in a way that a “normal” colleague would.
I remember coaching Kim a lady that worked in the San Francisco area. She had met and dated her boyfriend on the job, but after a few months they had a falling out. No one had worked knew that they had been dating, so she felt isolated…she had no one to turn to for help when his attitude towards her changed overnight.
The mistake that Kim made was that she became way too vulnerable and insecure. She conveyed this to him through her body language and every time they had to interact for work related matters.
Her ex never felt that he was losing anything after the breakup because she constantly kept trying to make amends…she in essence kept putting him on a pedestal until we started working together.
That’s why I often Initially suggest to go against the norm and maintain a larger amount of distance between you and your ex. Then you should work on dialogue based on your ex’s attitude and when you feel that you two are able to talk with a true sense of affinity. This is what love coaches, like my partner Adrian call The Push and Pull Technique. We are in an observation phase and we make our moves based on the actions of the person we have in front of us.
So now that you’re probably thinking, “I work with my ex,” taking distance from them is certainly possible, but it isn’t directly linked to classic radio silence because we don’t have the option of completely severing contact. The goal is to show that you are at ease and to little by little unveil a positive energy that will become more and more prevalent.
Communication will naturally come back and you won’t have to try a method like writing a handwritten letter to get back your ex. You have a chance to see your ex every day and we are going to take advantage of it to showcase your ability to change!
I work with my ex and it’s hard to tell what I’m feeling for them…
While being in the same place as your ex on a regular basis definitely has its advantages if you want to get back together, there is one thing that it complicates… After a breakup, it’s important to take a step back and put some space in between you and your ex so that you may put things into perspective and truly understand what you feel for him or her. It’s tough right now because you’re wondering, “Should I talk to my ex,” “I see my ex every day…What should I say to them?”
When you see a person every single day, especially when the wound is fresh, you are of course reminded of everything you two had shared. It becomes hard to determine whether it’s the reminder of what is lost that’s hurting you or if it’s a question of having something dangled in front of you that you can’t have. If it’s the latter, it might mean that you don’t feel love for your ex; you feel frustration that something was taken away from you and it’s in front of you just out of your reach.
My point is that if you’re seeing your ex every day, it’s crucial to take a step back and really clarify whether you truly want your ex back or if the wounds are having trouble healing because you see your ex so often.
The solution for such a predicament is to limit the interactions you have with your ex, or to try and train your mind little by little to see them as nothing more than a colleague. Of course it’s easier said than done, but practice makes perfect. Take some time over the weekends to honestly assess the situation and really ask yourself what you want for you future.
How to recreate a bond with an ex who is also your colleague?
As I’m sure you’ve already understood, I am suggesting that you take a very substantial step back and to not behave as if you’re looking to reestablish a bond too early. Experience has taught me that when we work with an ex and are close to one another, a bond will organically come back into play. Not only thanks to other colleagues, but mainly because of the closeness that already exists between you.
There is no need to force anything, to create stress or to pull a “kamikaze” move because our goal is to be patient and to slowly reopen dialogue to let a rapport naturally return. When working with an ex, it’s imperative to not tempt fate or to over analyze the question “I work with my ex… Can we get back together?”. You must be able to exercise patience when confronted with this situation.
You have to be cautious with your feelings because oftentimes when a bond returns between you and an ex, there is a surge of emotion that can result in saying too much; or even the wrong thing. Be careful, because this is one of the main pitfalls when looking to get back with an ex. I suggest that you just carry out normal conversations. Your goal is to show to your ex that you’ve changed, and also that distance has allowed you to rebuild yourself and to find happiness; and that you’ve been able to do some self-analysis. If you feel that this is going to be hard for you, I really invite you to schedule a coaching session with me as this could be a determining factor in your quest to win back your ex.
Don’t underestimate the importance of this step!
As I said; remind yourself that it’s not your ex, but only a colleague that you’d like to charm as if it were the very first time. The main rule here is to not talk about your past, your relationship, or your feelings, and avoid physical contact. You will have to take it upon yourself to maintain tangible distance, and this may even result in your ex wanting to make a move first! When you remain just close enough to touch but never make a move… sexual tension can actually start to come back. So yes, “I work with my ex boyfriend” or “I have to work with my ex girlfriend,” so why not use it to your advantage! Trust me, there are so many people who can’t even talk to their ex who would do anything to be in your situation…
How can I get back with my ex if we work together and changing jobs is out of the question?
There are people that say, “I work with my ex and we wage war even though deep down we love one another”; and they are looking to be set free from this stalemate. The situation can become unbearable especially when it happens on a daily basis. Perhaps when you separated you were already on each other’s nerves. Under these circumstances you are going to have to muster up all your courage and proceed with a very specific method that I refer too simply as: “mutual understanding.”
This method involves taking into consideration what your ex thinks, and to make sure that you don’t contradict them constantly. This way you can show that you would like to alleviate the tension that exists between you. This means that you will be showing your ex good intentions and will consequently draw their attention to the fact that their actions may be destructive as well.
When handling a messy situation, you will have to maintain a reassuring, benevolent nature, and avoid raising your voice when you two are speaking. Work on creating a calm and inviting atmosphere. If your ex always expects the worst when talking to you, you’re not going to get very far.
You should also use words and ideas such as, “I know that you feel that this is a waste,” and/or, “You have every right to be angry and hate me, but we need to at least be cordial to one another at work…”
The idea is to diffuse the bomb before being able to nurture a more serene and respectful relationship in the future! The more positive exchanges you have, the more you ex will start to think, “Hey it’s not so bad that I work with my ex… In fact, I quite enjoy their company…” Then the wheels will start turning…
Even if your ex is the most stubborn person on the planet, you will be able to facilitate easier communication once you’ve shown efforts and goodwill. If you’ve been in conflict with one another for a long time, don’t expect everything to be fixed within just a few weeks.
Working with an ex isn’t always simple, especially because conflict can have an even larger effect on your every day life. On top of that, you will have to deal with the gossip from certain colleagues that can’t resist making comments. I suggest bearing the brunt in order to show to your ex that you really aren’t looking for a fight and that you’re trying to establish harmony between you. You will have to take the time to act when you are ready, and then the doors will be open to a new and natural complicity between you and your ex. Don’t forget to use our full method in the Ebook 70 pro tips to get back with your ex.
The relationship experts to reach out too when looking to get back with an ex that you work with.
Alex Cormont, Coach Natalie & Coach Adrian