My ex boyfriend broke up with me and on top of that they’re completely ignoring me. How can you stand up to their indifference? Why are you suffering so much after this breakup? How do you deal with your ex’s behavior and show them that you’ve changed?
The biggest fear shared by people that are victims of a breakup is losing their ex forever; and I completely understand your suffering and your desire to reestablish communication with your ex. It’s a nasty feeling and one that I encounter every day as a coach specialized in helping people get back together.
I’ve actually created an Audio Seminar on this very issue, so don’t hesitate to check it out here if you want to delve deeper into the process of how to get a man back after a break up.
So you’ve separated, he’s not answering your messages and it’s starting to feel impossible to get in touch with him. Your stomach is sinking and you begin to question, “What’s wrong, why is he ignoring me? Was our breakup actually amicable? Is there someone else?” The questions start to pile up your fears and insecurities take over and you start to wonder if it’s too late…
If you’re able to get in control of your actions and take a step back, there are solutions. In this article, we will explore some of the reasons he might be ignoring you, and how to improve the situation; especially if you want him back! You will need to prepare to rationally and honestly assess the situation, and to show self-control.
A large number of men have a tendency to shut down when something is bothering them. Women, however, typically have an easier time expressing their feelings. This is why, when it comes to men, we may not have a clear understanding as to what went wrong and why our ex’s aren’t speaking with us. That’s where I come in. I’m here to help you.
To start, we need to figure out the root of the problem. In this article, I will explain the reasons behind your ex’s silence and the best things to do to stop suffering. You will begin to see that there are efficient ways for reestablishing good communication with your ex; but remember, it’s important never to rush things!
Is he ignoring me or is it just in my head?
Before we start talking about how to fix the problem, take a moment to really think about whether or not he’s actually ignoring you. Can you pinpoint what exactly is making you feel this way? For example, was he easier to reach before and now suddenly it seems like an impossible feat? Did they give you concrete reasons to believe, “He avoids me when I reach out..?”
Could it be that this person is actually just extremely busy with work and it’s not actually personal? Sometimes we meet someone at a time during which they are more available than usual. For example, when they’re in between jobs. When real life comes back into play, they are no longer as available.
If your gut is saying, “No, he really is ignoring me,” then it’s time to look at the reasons behind it. Understanding why your ex is ignoring you helps you to get to the root of the problem and subsequently points you in the right direction.
When Julia from Ohio called to explain that her relationship had ended badly and she felt her ex was ignoring her. I asked Julia to really take some time to think about whether her not her ex was really ignoring her, and to provide a few examples so I could help. In this exercise, she determined that maybe he wasn’t really ignoring her and that he was very busy with work.
She realized that her ego was making her really sensitive and fearful of rejection. It was a really hard thing to decipher, but it really helped her in the process of getting him back. Getting to the root of our feelings is key!
My ex boyfriend is ignoring me and I don’t know why
A breakup can be really painful and on top of that, you’ve realized that your ex doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. How can you explain this type of “escape” behavior after a breakup?
It’s not always easy to understand or accept your ex-partner’s behavior and yet it’s essential in changing your attitude so that you may better understand the situation. The key to getting back together is being able to control your emotions.
To do this you have to get into your ex’s head.
At the moment of the breakup, your ex sets up a natural barrier against getting back together that I call the “unconscious mechanism.” This is how they protect themselves from any attempt at getting back together and this is why they seem like they’re trying to escape you.
So the more you pursue them, or try to get back together, or promise that you’ll change right now, the more they’re going to avoid you. The unconscious mechanism can send a negative symbol to your ex boyfriend every time you try to make them realize that they were wrong to leave you.
This is why it’s imperative to learn how to adapt yourself in terms of your ex partner by making decisions that often go against what you initially want.
If your ex no longer wants to talk to you, taking distance will actually allow you make a bigger and deeper impact when the time comes to send a handwritten letter (and not a simple text message,) especially if you’re able to not divulge your plans to get back together. If not, your action will be met with your ex recoiling even further.
The more present you become, the more your ex will pull back. The goal is therefore to set in motion subtle actions that will lead to communication being naturally reestablished. When you’re thinking, “My ex is ignoring me” you have to be clever in order to reestablish dialogue.
My ex boyfriend is telling me to leave him alone: Is that truly what he wants?
The second possibility is that your ex is telling you to leave them alone and is becoming disrespectful. You’re wondering how to react and how to get back in control of the situation and avoid further frustrations.
My first piece of advice is to never take it to heart. There will be insults and the desire to hurt you, but you have to thicken your skin and not show them that you’re affected by it.
Your ex justifies their behavior because of how they felt during the relationship. The further your in-flexion point (which is a theme that I explain in my book, “70 Pro Tips To Get Back With Your Ex” goes back in your relationship, the stronger your ex’s pain was and you now have to fight against this intense anger.
It’s not easy to say, ““My ex is ignoring me, ” especially if you’re responsible for the situation, but you have to overcome your emotions.
That being said, you must realize the fact that your ex trying to make space between you isn’t such a bad thing when looking to get back together!
It’s better than ignorance or total lack of communication because by acting out like this, your ex is actually showing you that they care and you can consequently use their actions against them.
For example when you hear your ex say something they shouldn’t have, you can make them feel guilty by writing to them and telling them that their behavior is inappropriate and disrespectful and that you don’t agree with any of this.
My ex doesn’t want to see me at all: I feel awful!
You weren’t expecting to lose your partner and for them not to even want to see you afterwards. I know how much pain this type of situation can force you to feel, but start telling yourself, “it’s only a matter of time…”
The process of getting back together requires that you act at the right moment in order to obtain the desired result and in order to be in control of the situation. This is how you’re going to avoid being needy and also, how your ex boyfriend will begin to rebuild himself.
I’m going to ask you to not let his need to not see you run your life; even if your ex has someone else come pick up their things, even if they go to the other side of the street if they see you, and even if they stop going to an activity that you shared.
Making space between you doesn’t last forever because you eventually get used to it. This is the moment in which you’re going to be able to make your move with more serenity.
In the process of getting back together, you just need one moment face to face with your ex in order to make a positive impression, so don’t be offended and take your time to reveal your improvements.
If you are interested in understanding some of the biggest problems that many people have to confront after a breakup in order to take it a step further and better adapt to it, I recommend that you read other articles on my blog as well.
And if your ex doesn’t want to speak to you anymore click here.
If you told you ex that you hate them during your breakup and you’re thinking my ex hates me, there’s still hope. There’s even still hope for everyone that is thinking that their ex never wants to see them again. Nothing beats making space between you under these circumstances because it’s the perfect way to prove to your ex that you’ve made improvements and now, you can get back in control of the situation. You’re the one that will therefore decide if your ex partner is in touch with you or not!
This puts the ball in your court! You’re going to have to adapt your actions to your specific situation but the first step will be to fight off emotional dependency.
Why can’t reach my ex boyfriend & what do I do if he ignores me?
There are obviously tensions between you if you two have broken up, and a broken heart is one of the most common reasons behind why men ignore women.
Just because the reasons behind why he’s ignoring you might be a little more clear, it doesn’t mean it’s any less painful.
The solutions to the scenarios are going to be very similar, so let’s start by outlining the root of the problem.
My ex BF is ignoring me because he’s upset about something
A more obvious reason behind why your ex could be ignoring you is that maybe he’s just plain angry. You two just had a nasty break up and he’s having trouble letting it go and moving on. Or perhaps he’s found out about something that you’ve hidden from him (past or present,) and he’s really upset. He could also be taking a moment to gather his thoughts before he starts to talk about it with you.
Solution: First of all, give him a little space. When you know my ex boyfriend is mad at me, let him cool down while you prepare what you’re going to say. If there’s something that you need to apologize for, organize how you’re going to present it to him. If you’re worried about how it’s all going to come out, you can write him a letter.
Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Regardless of why exactly he’s mad, you two will have to talk. After you’ve given him some time and space, send him a text that says, “I know you’re upset. Let me know when you’re ready to talk about it and I’ll be here.” Don’t push him, and let him come to you.
Is he ignoring me because he doesn’t like me?
Unfortunately, sometimes people misread one another. One of the reasons behind men ignoring women is that they’re just not that into them.
Maybe you two have dated for a while and he’s not really feeling it. Think about how it was when you two were together.
Did he show you signs of being really, genuinely interested, or was he just nice? For example, at the end of your evening together, did he suggest seeing each other again soon? Did he message you after the date? If you’re realizing that he hasn’t really done anything to make you think he wants to pursue things, this might be his way of backing out.
It’s not a very gallant way to show a girl that he’s doesn’t feel the same way, or to call things off, but he’s trying to get a point across without actually having the say it. I know this can be a nasty blow to your ego, but if you’re thinking that you’re in this type of situation, there are two routes you could take…
– “You ignored me because you’re not into me, and that’s fine because I don’t want a guy that behaves like that anyway.” You know what you deserve and what you bring to the table, so if this guy can’t recognize that, then forget him and move on!
– If you’re determined to seduce this guy then what you’re going to do right now is disappear completely. Start using the no contact rule to make him curious. Post pictures on social media of you looking your best, having all kinds of fun.
He’ll start to wonder, “Wait… Why isn’t she talking to me anymore…?” and before you know it, he’ll be contacting you! Men like a challenge, but remember, the goal has to be attainable!
He totally ignores me now because of what I did…
If your breakup was a messy one and you played a big role in why things fell apart, it might be a huge indicator as to why he’s not talking to you anymore.
Perhaps you were unfaithful or you lied about something huge, and he just hasn’t forgiven you. He’s going to need some time, and so are you. You obviously need to apologize, but taking some time to let things cool down is just as important.
If you’re wondering, should I ignore him, the answer is no, but once you’ve genuinely apologized, you should not go out of your way to contact him until he gets in touch with you.
He avoids me because he’s trying to move on
Another common reason why a guy could ignore a girl is that after the breakup, he simply just wants to move on. While you want to know why is he ignoring me, he just wants to wipe the slate clean and move on with his life.
It’s hard to be in touch with a person that you had been so close with, especially if things ended badly. Ignoring you could be his defense mechanism right now. Another possibility is that he’s found someone else and he doesn’t want to hurt you, or he wants to avoid feeling conflicted.
I know it puts you in a tough position, because it’s making you feel even worse than you already do, but in a moment I’ll talk about how being out of touch can actually be beneficial for you.
He’s ignoring you because he still feels something for you
This kind of falls in line with the previous section about him trying to move on, but he might actually be ignoring you because he’s still in love with you. Speaking with you would just twist the knife in the wound. He could be avoiding talking to you because he doesn’t see how you could work things out, and it hurts him to be reminded of what he can’t have.
Out of sight, out of mind, you know?
It’s hard to accept, but the good news is that you can turn this around. Allow him this time and space for a while, and then you’ll be able to turn the odds in your favor.
(More on that in a moment…)
My ex is ignoring me because I’ve been smothering him
Since you’ve broken up you’ve been blowing up his phone. You’ve been telling him you miss him, you want him back, you can’t be without him… You call him, text him, like all his pictures on Instagram… Basically, you’re suffocating the guy.
Truth is, if you’re acting like this, you’re oozing desperation and men avoid desperation like the plague.
If you haven’t given him any space since your breakup, not only is he ignoring you, he might even be running for the hills! It’s imperative that you back off and let him breathe, especially if you’re hoping to get him back. Bombarding him with messages is pretty much the worst thing you can do after a breakup.
Now, speaking of why is he ignoring me after a breakup and what you can do in order to get back in touch (whether you want him back or you want to be friends,) let’s talk about the single most useful tool in your toolbox right now.
How to make him stop ignoring me: Bust out the no contact rule!
Yes, we’ve been touching on, and alluding to the no contact rule throughout this entire article. It is the key for making him stop ignoring me.
Do you know why? It’s simply because it’s the very last thing he expects. He’s become so used to you always being present, always sending messages, always letting him know what you’re doing and what you’re feeling… It makes it easy for you to be taken for granted, so stop!
I was coaching Julie a young professional in the US who had been broken up by her ex. She did all the mistakes that you can think of, was super needy and lost a lot of credibility and self-worth in the process. When she reached out to me she was in the dumps and afraid to lose her man forever.
So imagine how she reacted when I told her to pull away and to not reach out to him for a month. She was petrified and she feared that he would be upset, or even worse meet someone else.
But I convinced her that this was the best move for her, to win him back but also to find herself again.
Sure enough after 3 weeks of radio silence, he found a lame excuse to reach out to her, he couldn’t understand why her attitude had changed all of a sudden, and through distance realized what Julie meant to him. He actually thought that she had met someone else and moved on!
After a few texts back and forth, he asked to see her and the rest is history!
So don’t be afraid to cut all contact with him for at least a month and to focus on your own well-being, and dreams. Really use this time to focus solely on yourself, your goals, and your happiness. Spend time with your loved ones and try things you’ve never done before. Start reminding yourself of the independent woman you are, and become an even better version of her!
Hit the gym, meet new people, or maybe look for an exciting new job. It’s very important to take time to heal and to remind yourself of your strength and potential. If he messages you, ignore your ex! You’re busy taking care of yourself right now. Word will travel about how well you’re doing, and he’ll start wishing you’d give him the time of day again.
The moment he starts fearing that he’s lost you, he will reach out. Make sure you check out this article we’ve written on the no contact rule to learn everything you need to know!
When you get back in touch, if you want to get back together, avoid talking about the relationship. Before you bring it up in your conversations, focus on telling him about the improvements in your life and show him that you’ve wasted no time being down in the dumps.
He will be reminded of the girl he fell in love with, and eventually, the breakup and your relationship will come up in conversation. Your new attitude and outlook on life will start to seduce him again. You will have had the time to see things clearly and to understand what wasn’t working. Thanks to this time apart and the perspective it has given you, you’ll be able to suggest solutions and you two can take things little by little.
If you’re facing another problem don’t hesitate to write to me in the comments below and I would be more than happy to help you.
Expert in rebuilding relationships