You’ve been through an intense emotional roller coaster in the time that has passed since your break up with your ex. The pain and shock of the separation, the questions about what went wrong, the sadness, and the healing process which contains ups and downs of its own. Whether or not you’ve started to feel balanced again, the news that your ex wants you back has come as a shock! So what are you supposed to do?
I obviously can’t tell you what you’re supposed to do, but I can offer you things to take into consideration while you’re making your decision and offer you insight in terms of what you can expect to happen. In this article I will outline how to tell if they want you back, what to keep in mind when making your decision, and the best ways to move forward whether you want to accept your ex back or not. So let’s get started!
Why exactly does my ex want me back!?
After the pain of a breakup, you might be wondering what has made your ex come back. This is even more likely to be the case for you if your ex is the one that took the decision to leave. What happened to make them change their mind?
Sometimes breakups take place when a person is under a lot of pressure and a lot of stress. They begin to feel like they’re drowning in everything that’s going on, and if there are issues in the relationship it can feel like they’re taking on huge proportions. They may end the relationship in hopes of finding some more peace, but quickly realize that the relationship wasn’t the source of their unhappiness and end up regretting their decision to leave.
Otherwise, and most commonly, and ex comes back when enough time has been allowed to pass to make them put things in to perspective and realize that they don’t want to be without their partner. People get scared of serious relationships or serious feelings for someone, or they get blind sighted by issues that suddenly don’t seem that terrible once you step back and look at it rationally.
Your ex could want you back for a variety of reasons and when the time comes, make sure they are able to tell you why. When you’re realizing my ex wants me back and you begin considering being in a relationship together again, it’s imperative that you both understand what went wrong, what you want, and how you’re going to work towards common goals together!
When an ex comes back can I identify the reasons behind the breakup?
When she or he wants to get back together, it is crucial that BOTH of you understand what exactly led to the separation. To put it simply, break ups never happen without reasons, and something happened to bring you to this situation. I know that may seem very obvious to you, but if you are hoping to have a successful relationship with this same person, there will have to be change.
If you jump back into the same exact relationship, chances are that it will once again end in separation.
So, the very first thing what to do if your ex wants you back is to make sure you’ve taken the time to pinpoint the flaws in the relationship AND come up with plausible solutions. This will also help you to determine whether or not you want to take them back.
Can you forgive your ex for their wrongdoings? Without genuine forgiveness your relationship cannot reach its full potential. Harboring resentment (whether it’s suppressed or obvious for all the world to see) is a surefire way to substantially damage your relationship. So ask yourself this honest question: If my ex shows an effort to make up for what they’ve done wrong, can I truly forgive them and can I be happy? Do I believe that the problems we were having can be changed?
So whether the issues leading to the breakup where big or small, it’s important to take time to determine whether or not they can be remedied, if you can accept a new relationship, and if you can agree to move forward without holding on to the past.
Is my ex trying to get me back?!
Perhaps your ex hasn’t flat out said that she or he wants to get back together, but your gut is telling you that it may be on their mind. To help you figure out what’s going on, read this right away because it will tell you all the signs pay attention to that will help you how to know if your ex wants you back!
I’ll outline a few of them here to give you a better idea.
The most obvious sign an ex wants you back is when they’re still very much in contact with you. They’re not being aggressive, they’re not trying to make you feel awful; instead, they’re calling to see how you’re doing, what you’re up to, and if you want to go get a coffee. Perhaps they haven’t flat out asked for you back, but when you notice them going out of their way to talk to you and spend time with you, something may be up!
Another very common and obvious ex wants you back is when he or she begins to show regret or remorse over the situation. If in conversation they bring up things that could have been differently, or things they miss about your relationship, it’s safe to say that they’re missing you and are thinking about trying to get you back.
Sometimes an ex doesn’t flat out ask for you back because they’re testing the waters.
Other times when your ex wants to back but isn’t ready to be straightforward about it, they might “accidentally run into you in places and they just happen to be looking their best. They might be trying to show you that they’ve made some big improvements and are trying to slowly attract you back! This is a very common technique used for getting back together with an ex…
Things to keep in mind when she or he wants to get back together
If you’re considering getting back together when your ex wants you back, I’d like to bring your attention to some important things to remember. While it’s wonderful to restore the bond between two people, I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was tough work. It requires patience, perseverance, resilience and a perfect communication with your ex.
Truth be told, the easiest part is taking someone back. The hard part comes when you want to hold on to the relationship and ensure that you don’t end up like you did the last time.
As I said, the relationship has to be a new one this time around and that means you must come up with solutions for recurring problems, you’ve got to act as a team, and you have to make each other feel safe in the relationship while maintaining enough excitement to avoid falling into a boring routine! Of course it’s easier said than done, but with patience and practice it will become easier.
When your ex wants you back, keep in mind that the beginning stages of getting back together will be very fragile, and you both must be very careful to make the other feel safe again. You both have gone through a significant amount of pain, so take care of one another.
Another thing I’d like to mention is that I commonly see people step back into a failed relationship simply because they are afraid of being alone… Take time to fully evaluate whether you’re considering getting back together with this person because you love them or because you don’t want to be by yourself.
What to do if your ex wants you back?
Alright so now that you have some pointers designed to help you make a choice, let’s look at what each choice would entail and how you should move forward once the decision has been made. There are some differences to keep in mind if your ex is a girl and if your ex is a guy!
Ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend wants me back: If I accept what do I do?
If you take your ex back, you should be certain that they’ve made the necessary improvements and that you’re both equipped to deal with problems that arise. This means that you should have done some self-improvement while you were separated as well because more often than not, both partners are at fault for the demise of their relationship.
Personal growth is crucial for both sides, and so is communication. In the early stages of getting back together, the relationship is very fragile. It’s important to be able to voice things that you don’t like, while facilitating constructive conversation. Both you and your partner are going to be more sensitive than usual during this period, so both of you should be careful of the way you present things. Be gentle and supportive and understand that you are a team.
A common mistake I see when an ex comes back is that the person that accepts expects the ex in question to do all the work. They subconsciously think, “Ok, well if you want me back then prove it” and subsequently don’t do any of the work to ensure that the new relationship is balanced and fulfilling. Never forget that both partners have to be active in keeping things healthy!
He wants me back: Now what?
There are a few differences in the ways the men and women generally respond to the getting back together process, and like I just said, there are things that you can do as well to facilitate the process and improve your bond!
Keeping in mind that men are generally more direct, you are able to be more upfront with what you want to say. You don’t have to sugarcoat things! If something needs to change or if something is bothering you, make sure you’re open and honest about it (while remaining respectful obviously.)
Similarly, when you say my ex wants me back, neither of you should make the same mistakes that led to the break up!
While you’re getting back together, it’s important to not neglect the seduction aspect of the process. Both men and women need to feel excited and desired, so bring out your inner femme fatale! (Without going overboard of course!)
She wants me back: What now?
When a woman wants you back, keep in mind that women generally like progressive and subtle seduction, so allow her to approach you but don’t rush things. Be romantic with her but avoid being cheesy or falling into clichés like offering her red roses and chocolates.
Be creative and thoughtful when you’re rebuilding your relationship. Think about what you know she likes and gravitate towards that, all the while you show her that you’ve grown and learned a lot from the breakup.
Another thing you can do is write a letter in which you express what you’ve come to understand, what you hope for, and what goals you have.
What if your ex wants you back but you don’t want them back?
Perhaps you’ve found this article in hopes of finding a way to let your ex know that you don’t want to be together without hurting them. There are a lot of emotions involved, so it’s smart to take a moment and collect your thoughts before you tell your ex that it’s truly over for good. It helps a person to move on if they’re provided with reasons for your decision, so without unnecessarily hurting them, you can tell them why exactly you’d prefer to remain separated.
Whether it’s because you need to be on your own, or because you no longer have feelings for your ex, be gentle with your presentation. Your ex is putting themselves in a very vulnerable position when they ask for you back…
What to do when my ex wants me back: Coach’s tip
When you get back together with an ex, one of the most important things you can do is never lose sight of yourself. When people lose their individuality, become codependent, and stop taking care of themselves and the things they love to do, the relationship begins to suffer.
This simply happens because too much pressure is placed on the relationship, and suddenly it can’t breathe anymore. Even if your relationship with your partner is amazing, if you suffocate yourselves by not maintaining balance and by not focusing on important parts of your own life, things can begin to unravel.
So my biggest piece of advice when your ex wants you back is to remember, your partner cannot make you whole because you are not a “half.” Remembering that you two should be by one another’s side, helping each other to reach your full potential will allow you to reach a truly fulfilling relationship!
Your relationship experts when my ex wants me back
Adrian & Christina